Facebook is good for a lot of
things, not so good for others. One of the things I like the most about it is
reconnecting with old friends. It’s neat to see how people I knew in high
school and junior high, and goodness, even elementary school sometimes, are
doing. I like being able to see where life has taken them. Some of these
“online” friendships have really taken on a surprising depth for me. No, we
don’t chat about our deepest fears or spend hours commenting back and forth,
but I find myself gravitating to see what’s going on with some people that I
never really would have expected.
There are lots of examples of
people I’ve reconnected with, or connected for the first time, in small ways.
People I lost touch with, people I never knew that well, people I knew in
school but didn’t hang with much outside of class. It’s kind of amazing and I’m
really grateful for it. I’ve read other folks blogs, chatted about organic
gardening, traded recipes, received encouragement and parenting advice from
people I haven’t spoken to in years. It’s all really humbling and such a
blessing. I love, love, love the prayer community that’s built up on facebook.
Because information is so easy to share, and comments are so easy to post, the
amount of prayer requests that you actually KNOW about, not just hear through
the grapevine, are overwhelming and an unsurpassed blessing. It’s really cool
to see us rally around each other. But, especially with the women I knew
before, but maybe wasn’t as close to growing up, as these relationships grow I
keep thinking,
“ I wish I’d known you better when we lived in the same town.”
Today’s blog is a message straight
to high school and junior high folks, mostly girls because we tend to be the worst
about drawing lines where no lines should be, but boys are certainly capable of
it too. I’m not talking about some of society’s more obvious lines; I’m talking
about the subtle ones we may not even realize are there. We separate from each
other because of common interest, comfort zones, hanging with kids we’ve always
known, never bothering to get to know someone else because it takes a little
effort. Lose the lines ladies, they’re stupid and pointless. I wish I could
count how many times since high school I spent some time with someone who maybe
didn’t know me that well back in the day, and vice versa, and they said
something along the lines of, “You’re not really the bratty little princess I
thought you were.” Ouch. Is that really how you saw me? Because I promise I was
more scared, had way worse self image, and was more fearful of rejection and
judgment than anyone. If I didn’t talk to you much, it had nothing to do with
not wanting to be your friend; I probably thought you wouldn’t want to be my
friend. I still struggle with my self- image and fear of rejection, probably
worse than most people. Or am I really worse than most people? I’m seeing now,
as an old lady of 34, that maybe it’s not only me. Recently our bible study
group laid some fears on the table. You know what? We were all afraid of
rejection. We all desperately wanted community, support, and friends. We all
second guessed ourselves and often felt like we weren’t enough. When you get
honest, we really aren’t so different.
One of the main advantages of
getting older is mental clarity. The women of my mother’s generation are
laughing at me thinking that I have mental clarity at age 34. I can hear them
saying, “Honey, you know nothing yet”, and they’re probably right. But for now,
though time is giving me gray highlights in my dark hair and my post-baby body
is never going to be the same, it’s also giving me some pretty clear hindsight.
If I could go back to my 16 year old self the first thing I would do would be
to kick my own arse for thinking I needed to lose a few pounds. Really? I would love to be able to rock a bikini
again but I think spanx one pieces are probably what’s in store for me from now
on. Ladies, you are young, love yourselves for how you look RIGHT NOW.
Second, and waaaaay more important
than bathing suits, I would open my eyes. Look at my neighbor in class. She may
not be my bestie that I’ve hung out with since 2nd grade but what do
I really know about her? Maybe we do have some things in common, maybe we could
be friends. Being different from each other, having different backgrounds,
different parents, different home lives – that does not mean that friendship
isn’t possible. For all you know you’re really not different at all, you just never
took the time to get to know each other. We draw lines between each other,
invisible ones, from such an early age. I’m not just talking about racial lines
or social status, but even more vague lines based on things like talents,
interest, people we hang out with, proximity, and yes, even fear. Fear of
judgment, rejection, gossip, whatever.
We are only hurting ourselves, missing out on amazing friendships from
people who can enrich our lives and we can do the same for them. God made us
all different for a reason – not so we could separate from each other and
narrow our worlds, but so that this world would be interesting, beautiful,
colorful, and that we would learn from each other. Stepping out there is scary,
and ya, you may get rejected. I wish we would all learn to be a little kinder
to each other, but don’t think that I don’t remember how hard high school can
be. I’m from a small town girls, I know what it is to be the victim of gossip.
But I wish that fear hadn’t held me back so much. I wish I’d believed what Dr.
Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t
matter, and those who matter, don’t mind.”
I look back at the friendships I
might have missed out on, and it is my prayer that you won’t miss those things.
Don’t get comfortable. Don’t only gravitate towards people you already know.
Make friends with the new kid. Go try a musical instrument, even if you can’t
play, with someone who can. Laugh at yourself. If I could have laughed at
myself, basketball probably would have been a lot more fun. If I wasn’t afraid,
I would have been in drama and not waited until college to realize I love to
sing. I look at the people I’ve seemingly randomly connected to on facebook,
and over and over again I think, “I wish we’d been better friends when we were
in the same town.” We could have gone to Triple T and had a bacon cheeseburger
and fries and a Wild Thing before we cared what the calories would do to our
waistlines and had to arrange child care. And yes, I know that we can still be friends,
we can still get to know each other. And this is not to say that I’m not
incredibly blessed by the people I did know well, and did spend time with and
continue to keep in touch with. I’m just saying that my adolescent world could
have been bigger, I wish it had been. Yours still can be.
Give each other a break, girls. Get out of
your comfort zone. That girl sitting next to you that you don’t know that well
is just as nervous as you are. Let your young life give you a multitude of
friends that you spent face time with. Build a prayer community now, while you
can hold someone’s hand and be literally, right by their side, when they need
you. Then, when you’re old like we are, and live in separate cities, you can
celebrate the memories instead of wishing you’d made more of them when you had
the chance.
Triple T Grill - Brownwood, TX. Doesn't look like much, best Wild Thing ever (Cherry, Lime, Pineapple Sprite)
