Tuesday, August 15, 2017

What a Makeup Party Taught Me About White Privilege

About a year ago I hosted a makeup party at my house. It was the kind where everyone shows up with no makeup on and takes turns in the artist’s chair having their faces  all dolled up. The hope is that you’ll love what they’ve done and want to buy all the products. It works pretty well (I bought all the things), and it’s a fun night. I invited all my friends. I love gatherings and we were going to have wine and snacks and makeup and laughs. What’s better? A week or so before the party I got a private message from one of my friends, asking me if they had makeup for “women like her”. My friend is black. Honestly, I sat with that for a minute. I never considered they might not. I immediately responded, “Yes, I’m sure they do!” She asked me to double check, so I did. I let her know the minute I got a reply that yes, they did carry makeup for her skin tone, and that I hoped I’d see her at the party. She responded saying thank you; that it wasn’t that she didn’t want to come to the party. But if they don’t sell a product she can use it’s just not as much fun and honestly, kind of awkward. To this day, she has no idea how much that question changed my views.

It never crossed my mind they wouldn’t have make up for black skin tones, because never in my life have I had to consider that someone might not sell makeup for my skin tone. That, my friends, is white privilege.

All of a sudden I felt like a light bulb went on. It has nothing to do with money, or upbringing, or education, or where you live, or your job. It has to do with our society defaulting to white, or more appropriately, not black. In the year since, here’s a list of just a few of the things that crossed my mind as I’ve sat with this, and pondered how she must feel.

     1.       I’ve never considered someone might not sell my shade of makeup.
     2.       I’ve never had to wonder if a salon or hair dresser could do my hair, or carried the appropriate products for my hair.
     3.       I go to Wal-mart or Target and there are hundreds of lotions and hair products appropriate for me. I’ve never seen “my” products relegated to a small space at the bottom of the shelf, at the end of the aisle.
     4.       I’ve never wondered if me or my kids would be accepted or rejected because of the color of our skin.
     5.       Growing up, I never wondered if someone’s parents would be ok with their son or daughter hanging out with me. To be fair, there may have been other reasons they paused, but not the color of my skin.
     6.       I’ve never experienced what it’s like to be the only person of my color in the room.
     7.       I’ve never, until recently, wondered what it’s like for a black person to walk by a statue of a confedederate war “hero”. What would it be like to see a statue honoring someone that fought against my right to exist in public spaces? My right to be free?
     8.       I’ve never worried that things might go backwards socially, and the battles my parents and grandparents fought could also be my children and grandchildren’s battles.
     9.       My race has never once crossed my mind during a traffic stop.
   10.      I’ve never known what it would mean to me to be called a minority, because I am and have always been the majority.

There are people who say that the counter protestors in Charlottesville started it. That they acted just as badly as the supremacists. I’ve never heard anything more ludicrous. How would I react if people were literally organizing a protest against my very existence? Would I be kind? Accepting? Calm? Or would I be outraged? Incensed? Incredulous? Would I stand idly by if people marched against my right to exist in public spaces because of the color of my skin? My child’s right to an equal world? I wouldn’t. I would be on the front row fighting with everything in me. And until we stand on the front row with black people, it’s not going to change. I read something this week that it needs to be heard from white mouths that racism, egregious or subtle, aggressive or micro-aggressive, will not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form. That the space we occupy will also be occupied on an equal basis with every color, creed, orientation, language, and religion. Freedom isn’t freedom and equality isn’t equality if we don’t.

The phrases “white privilege” and “black lives matter” aren’t meant to put a lesser value on white lives or blue lives or any other lives. It’s just saying that black lives matter AS MUCH as ours. Owning up to white privilege doesn’t make us bad people, unless we continue to fight for it to stay that way. It’s saying we see it and we want to be a part of changing it. It’s not about money. It doesn’t matter how much money you have to buy the makeup IF THEY DON’T SELL YOUR MAKEUP. It matters that we see it. It matters that we get it. It matters that we say it. It matters that we listen. What affects some of us affects all of us, the world we are building is the world all our children will live in. I want a better world, where the prejudices and the attitudes of the past stay in the past. We are stronger together. 
White privilege is real. I want to be part of changing it. Black Lives Matter.