About a year ago I hosted a makeup
party at my house. It was the kind where everyone shows up with no makeup on
and takes turns in the artist’s chair having their faces all dolled up. The hope is that you’ll love
what they’ve done and want to buy all the products. It works pretty well (I
bought all the things), and it’s a fun night. I invited all my friends. I love
gatherings and we were going to have wine and snacks and makeup and laughs.
What’s better? A week or so before the party I got a private message from one
of my friends, asking me if they had makeup for “women like her”. My friend is
black. Honestly, I sat with that for a minute. I never considered they might not.
I immediately responded, “Yes, I’m sure they do!” She asked me to double check,
so I did. I let her know the minute I got a reply that yes, they did carry
makeup for her skin tone, and that I hoped I’d see her at the party. She
responded saying thank you; that it wasn’t that she didn’t want to come to the
party. But if they don’t sell a product she can use it’s just not as much fun
and honestly, kind of awkward. To this day, she has no idea how much that
question changed my views.
It never crossed my mind they
wouldn’t have make up for black skin tones, because never in my life have I had
to consider that someone might not sell makeup for my skin tone. That, my
friends, is white privilege.
All of a sudden I felt like a
light bulb went on. It has nothing to do with money, or upbringing, or education,
or where you live, or your job. It has to do with our society defaulting to
white, or more appropriately, not black. In the year since, here’s a list of just
a few of the things that crossed my mind as I’ve sat with this, and pondered
how she must feel.
1.
I’ve never considered someone might not sell my
shade of makeup.
2.
I’ve never had to wonder if a salon or hair
dresser could do my hair, or carried the appropriate products for my hair.
3.
I go to Wal-mart or Target and there are
hundreds of lotions and hair products appropriate for me. I’ve never seen “my”
products relegated to a small space at the bottom of the shelf, at the end of the aisle.
4.
I’ve never wondered if me or my kids would be
accepted or rejected because of the color of our skin.
5.
Growing up, I never wondered if someone’s
parents would be ok with their son or daughter hanging out with me. To be fair,
there may have been other reasons they paused, but not the color of my skin.
6.
I’ve never experienced what it’s like to be the
only person of my color in the room.
7.
I’ve never, until recently, wondered what it’s
like for a black person to walk by a statue of a confedederate war “hero”. What
would it be like to see a statue honoring someone that fought against my right to
exist in public spaces? My right to be free?
8.
I’ve never worried that things might go
backwards socially, and the battles my parents and grandparents fought could
also be my children and grandchildren’s battles.
9.
My race has never once crossed my mind during a
traffic stop.
10. I’ve never known what it would mean to me to be
called a minority, because I am and have always been the majority.
There are people who say that the
counter protestors in Charlottesville started it. That they acted just as badly
as the supremacists. I’ve never heard anything more ludicrous. How would I
react if people were literally organizing a protest against my very existence?
Would I be kind? Accepting? Calm? Or would I be outraged? Incensed?
Incredulous? Would I stand idly by if people marched against my right to exist
in public spaces because of the color of my skin? My child’s right to an equal
world? I wouldn’t. I would be on the front row fighting with everything in me.
And until we stand on the front row with black people, it’s not going to
change. I read something this week that it needs to be heard from white mouths
that racism, egregious or subtle, aggressive or micro-aggressive, will not be
tolerated in any way, shape, or form. That the space we occupy will also be
occupied on an equal basis with every color, creed, orientation, language, and
religion. Freedom isn’t freedom and equality isn’t equality if we don’t.
The phrases “white privilege” and “black
lives matter” aren’t meant to put a lesser value on white lives or blue lives
or any other lives. It’s just saying that black lives matter AS MUCH as ours.
Owning up to white privilege doesn’t make us bad people, unless we continue to
fight for it to stay that way. It’s saying we see it and we want to be a part
of changing it. It’s not about money. It doesn’t matter how much money you have
to buy the makeup IF THEY DON’T SELL YOUR MAKEUP. It matters that we see it. It
matters that we get it. It matters that we say it. It matters that we listen.
What affects some of us affects all of us, the world we are building is the
world all our children will live in. I want a better world, where the
prejudices and the attitudes of the past stay in the past. We are stronger together.
White privilege is real. I want to be part of changing it. Black Lives Matter.