This is for all the moms out there who said “no”, but most
especially for my own.
When I was a teenager, I swore I would never be like my mom.
I would give my children so much more freedom and would not nag them so much. I
would nurture them more and scold them less. In my narrow minded 16 year old
view, my mom stunted my creativity and kept me far too confined. She, quite
simply, did not understand me.
Me at about age 16, brimming with wisdom
Now, however, I am a parent.
My son Sammy, happily drooling candy I just told him not to eat
Although my son is only 2, I already can look ahead and know
that I will be everything like her. I can look back and see what an ungrateful
wretch I was and feel a burning need to apologize. I suppose that God allows
our children to be just like us as a reminder of what we put our mothers
through. I know my grandmother used to say that to my mom, and now she will say
it to me, and I will say it to my kids someday. But even more than saying, “I’m
sorry”, I want to say “thank you” to my mom, and all the moms out there, for a
few things I never thought I’d be grateful for. (I tried to keep the list to a nice, rounded,
Top 10, but there was too much I wanted to say):
1.
Thank you for giving me a curfew. I thought you
were keeping me too controlled, but in retrospect I see you were trying to give
me the most out of life as possible while still keeping me safe. It’s true,
nothing good happens to teenagers after midnight.
2. Thank you for forcing me to have a childhood. I
wanted to be a grown up way before I was ready to be one. Now I look back on
those years with a fierce gratefulness. Thank you for creating memories that
later on I would treasure, when in my eagerness to grow up, I might have missed
them.
3. Thank you for making me study (I wish I’d
listened more in college). In America one of our greatest blessings is an
education for everyone. We truly can be whatever we want to be, but you have to
grasp the opportunities presented to you.
4.
Thank you for broadening my horizons. You tried
very hard to show me there was a big world out there, and that I was not the
center of it. Valuable lesson.
5.
Thank you for forcing me to learn
responsibility. I was expected to show up when I said I would and take care of
business. You never allowed me to shirk things. It taught me integrity.
6.
Thank you for punishing me when I lied (which
was kind of a lot there for awhile). Everything I was lying about was something
I didn’t need to do anyway. It taught me honesty and accountability (Dad had a
hand in this with the “talks” as well – but that’s another blog post!)
7.
Thank you for making it completely impossible to
sneak around. I never tried to skip school because I would have gotten busted
anyway by you or one of your 14 billion friends who worked for the school
system.
8.
Speaking of your friends, thank you for bringing
lots of other wonderful, loving, mother figures into my life. None of them ever
hesitated to send me home when I needed sending. The lot of you were a bunch of
tattletales when it came to each other’s kids. I hope I have friends that love
me and my kids that much too.
9.
Thank you for creating a home that all my
friends loved. Most of them thought you were awesome and didn’t really
understand my pain. They loved our house, everyone did. I know now what kind of
effort that took. Ours was the home everyone wished they had.
10.
Thank you for not judging me on the really big
stuff. In those times, you knew it was more important to be there for me than
to tell me how stupid I was (at least not right away…). :)
11.
Thank you for waking me up for church even when
I really didn’t want to go. You were laying a foundation. Thank you for
teaching me that worship is about God, not me.
12.
Thank you for teaching me that sometimes, the
most love a parent can give comes in the form of the word, “No.”
Shortly after my son was born I called my mom and
apologized. Once I held my child, I knew how much she loved me, and I
understood. But I wanted to write it again on Mother’s day, to her and all the
mothers out there who said no. You taught us how to be grown ups, how to be in
the service of God, how to be parents. You created as safe a place as possible
in the world for us to be children. Thank you for not believing us when we said
we hated you. Thank you for not giving up on us after we wrecked the car….again.
Thank you for believing we were going to figure it out someday, when often it
really looked doubtful. Thank you, now that we’re grown, for laughing at the
memories of our struggles. Even our mess ups can now be happy memories. My
sister says that heaven is going to be our neighborhood. We will all have
houses down the street from each other. We will ride our bikes together every
night and eat popsicles and homemade ice cream on the driveway. The fact that
she feels that way is not out of the clear blue - that was our childhood. Those
memories didn’t happen by accident, my mom made them happen. Though a small
part of me still believes I will never be as good at this as my mom was, I know in my heart I will be a good mom, because I had the one that was just perfect for me.
Hug a mom this weekend, we need it. We may do this motherhood journey in different ways, but we all walk the road with love.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers in my family, all of whom frequently told me "no" (including my sister). I cherish you all!
My sister, my mom, me, and my mother's mom (Dada) circa 1982
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My dad and his mother (Grandmommy) circa 1947
"Her children arise and call her blessed...." Proverbs 31:28
