LysaTerkeurst talks about the “Devil in the Chips Poster” in her bible study Madeto Crave. I love that bible study – I’ve done it twice. The fact that it has
passages in it like the one below makes me want to weep with joy. Someone,
somewhere feels my pain:
“My
brokenness with food runs deep. I am a girl who begged God to send a magic
fat-burning pill down from heaven because I just could not find the willpower
to fight this battle on my own. Ya’ll, I prayed for a fat-burning pill. No, I
take that back, I begged for a fat-burning pill. With tears in my eyes. Not my
finest godly girl moment.” – Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave
Now I never had a problem with the
Chip Devil. My stalker is the Cookie Monster. He calls to me, in all forms of
sweet things, be it a delicious glass of sugary wine or a frosted cake, or my
latest devil, Golden Oreos. Her book sits on my bedside table even though I’m
done with the study, as though the inspiration and knowledge will leap across
the table and into my head while I’m sleeping, therefore keeping me on the
straight and narrow road of disciplined living. Because - and here’s where I’m showing a vulnerable
side I’m not altogether comfortable with throwing out there – even though I’ve
done the study twice…. The Cookie Monster still haunts me. He’s real – he’s
alive and well in my pantry. Oh for awhile there, I was on the mountaintop,
praising Jesus for strength and conviction and writing Lysa thank you notes for
being His awesome messenger. I. Was. Cured. I gained 47 pounds with my
pregnancy and I lost it all. I was back in my skinny jeans. Food no longer
tortured me, I was in control. I felt like I was ready to take on whatever
mission God had for me with gusto, because I was physically at my best. This
Holy Temple called my body was in tip top shape. I was poised to be a Holy
Warrior for God.
Then I quit my job to stay home
with Sammy, and we moved to a new house. I had to give up my gym membership
because we couldn’t afford it on one salary. Sammy grew up and wanted snack
food, that I also wanted, and not keeping it in the house was not an option
anymore. I had to maintain a tighter grocery budget and buying organic-low
calorie-homegrown everything became a money sucking luxury that had to go. And
just like that, I gained 15 pounds and starting hiding in the closet eating
cookies. Ya, I said it. Sometimes I closet eat. What the heck just happened? Wasn’t’
I victorious? I laid my calorie fests at the Cross. I lost the weight and thought
I was free. What did I do wrong? I tasted victory for crying out loud! Why did
I now only taste Oreos? And worst of all, the state of my brokenness returned like
a train wreck. I was a failure. Not only did I fail myself and my family, I failed
God. We had beaten this thing together, he answered my prayers, and I detoured
right back into the pit.
So that’s where I’ve been for a few
months, see sawing my weight and being totally frustrated because I just don’t
have the motivation to walk this road again. And honestly I figured I probably
needed to walk it alone. I mean, God already gave me the tools once. Asking him
again just felt like a farce. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I asked anyway, but I don’t
think my heart has really been in it.
Until today.
I’m doing Beth Moore’s new study of
the Book of James. Let me just say right now I seriously love me some Beth
Moore. That woman is anointed and appointed if I ever saw someone who was. She
makes everything relatable, even ancient Greek (seriously). If you haven’t done
one of her studies, run, don’t walk, to www.livingproof.org,
find a study near you, and sign up. It
will change your relationship with God FOREVER. So, I’m immersed in James right
now, who coincidentally is Jesus’ half brother. Talk about an interesting
perspective. This guy quite possibly shared a room with the Messiah. James
writes a lot about persevering in the face of trouble. The recurring theme that
I’m seeing is to keep the faith. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face
trials of many kinds” James 1:2. This week (week 3) on day 4, I was
reduced to tears when I read this:
“Happy is the man who doesn’t give
in and do wrong when he is tempted, for he will get as his reward the crown of
life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12
If that is not God talking directly
to me in the middle of my broken state….I was flabbergasted. I love that He
didn’t leave me in the pit….again. I took that as a clear, “Don’t give up,
Rachel. I’m not through with you yet.” Beth goes on to say this in day 5:
“God is perfectly acquainted with
every circumstance in our lives and every cell in our bodies. He knows what we
need. He knows what we crave…Temptation attempts to tear open the package
before its due date and, in so doing, disfigures what’s inside. Wait on the
Lord!...God’s gifts are given with goals. They’re perfect because they’re
perfecting.” Beth Moore, James - Mercy Triumphs
Can I get an amen?
Here’s what I got out of all this.
This side of heaven, I’m not supposed to defeat the Cookie Monster. I’ll admit
my first thought was, “Well, that sucks.” Never? But really, it’s ok. It kinda
takes the pressure off. I CAN’T do it on my own. I will end up in the closet
crying as I shovel down Oreos every single time I try to win on my own
strength. I don’t have to go it alone, even if I have to do it 1000 more times.
I just have to keep my focus on the real prize - Jesus. Just like Paul says, “If I must boast, I will boast of the
things that show my weakness.”2 Corinthians 11:30. And in Ephesians 1:17, Paul again
says, “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious
Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know
him better.” Did you catch that? He wants us to brag about our weaknesses,
and then he says, in the present tense,
“I KEEP asking.”
THAT’S WHAT I MISSED THE FIRST
TIME.
Nowhere does it say we will claim
victory over our temptations on earth. Lasting victory will only be reached in
heaven. It’s not a feeling. It’s not a clothing size or a number on the scale.
It’s not a notch in a really skinny belt. It’s about persevering. I need to
Keep Asking and give all my failures to God. In my weakness, I am made strong.
When I focus on anything but Christ, I falter. We all do, and the Cookie
Monster looks different for each one of us. But rest assured, we all have
closet cookies hidden somewhere.
I can’t close this out without
pointing out two things. I know that I do not have a serious weight problem. Those who know me and are
considering driving to my house and beating me up a little, please put the car
in reverse. It’s not about my body image; though being healthy is a good thing
and smaller jeans are always a bonus. It’s about my heart image. I know that I
put food before God many times. I know I run to the pantry after a bad day
instead of scripture. It’s about taking care of my spirit first, and my
physical health will follow along. God gave me this body and it’s only right
that I do everything I can to take care of it, but more importantly my heart
needs to be right. Second, in case you were thinking that Made to Crave didn’t
help me, it did. It does. I keep it handy because I read through it often. Lysa
addresses the fact that it’s not a mountain you climb, proclaim healing, and
move on down the road ready to tackle the next Monster. I just chose to skip
over that part because I was too busy doing a victory dance in my skinny jeans.
This is the last paragraph of the last chapter “Live as an Overcomer”:
“Dare to set your toes firmly on
the pathway of victory you are meant to be on. Whether we’re on the path toward
victory or defeat is determined by the very next choice we make. Not the
choices from yesterday. Not the choices five minutes ago. The next choice. May it be that of an
overcomer. An overcomer made to crave God alone.” Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave
She said the path to victory, not the winner’s circle. So I leave you with this,
because today, this age old passage I memorized years ago in Sunday School has
a whole new meaning for me:
“Not that I have already obtained all this,
or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for
which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers
and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is
behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the
prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians
3:12-14
