The Real Lessons from Cinderella

A long time ago, when I was still a single girl, I wrote a piece about how we’ve all misinterpreted Cinderella, and most princesses, all these many years. I think it mostly still holds true though my perspective has changed a bit. Recently my niece gave me a book, Bad Girls Throughout History, by Ann Shen. No gift has ever meant more to me. She thinks that’s me. I am flabbergasted as to why she thinks I belong in the book. But especially in these times, these new days where women are speaking up for themselves and for each other, if that is a fire I have given her then I am inordinately proud. Honestly though, if you look at the stories we were fed as children, strong women have always been a fixture. They just weren’t as vocal about it - me included. The message was there, you just had to look for it. With that in mind, here’s what I wrote, lo, so many years ago. When I was obsessed with Sex & the City and writing and finding my own voice. So I guess really, not so much has changed after all. J

“Let’s face it. All women have a bit of a Cinderella streak living in us. There is a small part, perhaps leftover from childhood or Disneyland, which stares at our Halloween pumpkin and wishes that instead of rotting like last year’s relationship, it turned into a carriage. We wish our shoes were made of glass, our fairy godmother could change our lives with a wave of Bibitty Bobbity Boo, and all men were Prince Charming. We all want to be rescued from the ashes of the life that is ours - and swept away to the palace that true love built. Then the buzz wears off and we realize life doesn’t work that way.

            So to live in reality, do we have to let go of the dream? Is there a place for Cinderella in the modern woman’s life? I think there is. No one ever said you have to give up your childhood to live in the adult world that is now yours. Cinderella is not just my childhood, she’s my teenage years, and my college years, and my failed relationships, and the many times I try to plan to perfect evening only to realize that midnight came too soon. But she is also the hope that lives within me. I know that the fairy tale isn’t real. I know that love isn’t always easy, and that the man that completes me will never find me because I left behind my size 9’s. Cinderella had much smaller feet than a size 9. But I also know a man will never complete me. Only I can do that.

            I think as women we have to learn to find the balance between what we dreamed and what we will achieve. They can co-exist. In a way, Cinderella made her own destiny too. If it were a true fairy tale, she wouldn’t have made her own dress the first time, she wouldn’t have talked her step mother into letting her attend the ball, she wouldn’t have busted her ass to finish her chores that day, and she’d probably still be locked in that attic. If it were a true fairy tale, Prince Charming would’ve ridden in on his white horse and figured out she was up there instead of sending his right hand guy to do the shoe fittings. Cinderella saved herself. And I don’t mean she caught her a man. I mean she worked, she planned, she accepted help when it was offered, and she didn’t settle for less than what she wanted. I think most women out there today can find their own path. Prince Charmings come in different packages, as do Cinderellas.

            We can make our own destiny and find the charmed life, we just have to let go of thinking that we live in the mind of Walt Disney. Maybe it is possible to find the man of your dreams, and become royalty, at least in your own mind. Or maybe your dream is to get that great job, or to have children and be an incredible mom, or take that vacation you always planned. Maybe you’re headed to college soon. Maybe you’re working your ass off for that internship you always wanted. I think happy endings are relative - everyone’s is different. Whatever your fairy tale is - it can be attained, even when the ending isn’t the way we thought it would be. Making peace with the happily ever after you thought you’d have and the one that’s waiting for you opens up better carriages to happiness than any pumpkin could ever build - and it won’t end at midnight. It’s out there waiting for you - but you gotta get your ass out of the attic first. Cinderella did it. So can we.”

And so as I write this tonight, my niece is on my mind. She’s about to be 18. About to go to college. About to embark on some big years in this next phase of her life. I don’t just want her to write her own chapter in the book she thinks I should be in. I want her to headline it. I want that for all our young women stepping out into the world. Never before has the world been so poised to listen to you. You live in a time where your strength isn’t couched in fairy tales. We don’t have to search for it between the lines. You can live it out loud, unapologetically. You can reclaim your time, persist, and quite literally be anything you want to be. When I was in Jr. High I interviewed my teacher and asked her why she wanted to be a teacher. She said, “Well, I didn’t want to be a secretary or a nurse and those were the only three options available during that time.” Even at 12 years old, that made me so sad. Thankfully, that is not your world. Many ferocious women have gone before you to make sure that is not the path you have to walk. So whatever your dream is – and no dream is wrong – I want you to go for it. Be a scientist, an engineer, a writer, a singer, a mom, a teacher, a revolutionary, a nurse, an assistant, a dancer, a poet, an astronaut. Whatever your happily ever after looks like, that’s what I wish for you. But you can take some wisdom from those that went before you, even fictional Disney princesses.

 Here’s what I want you to know from Cinderella:

1.      Bust your ass to get what you want. Don’t be afraid to dream big, work hard, and do everything in your power to follow your own path. Even against the biggest opposition, know your own heart. If you want it, go for it.

2.      Accept help when it’s offered. Cinderella needed a fairy godmother. We all do sometimes. You will have many throughout your life. Learn to recognize when you need help and accept it when it’s offered. We are not put on this planet alone for a reason. We are meant to live in community. Accept when you need, give when you can.

3.      When you fail, check your road and the nature of your battle, and get back up. Don’t quit when you feel locked in the attic. Cinderella could’ve quit then. Instead she had the help of friends and an incredible will to get noticed. Don’t be afraid to use your voice and talents to HELP YOURSELF when you feel like the game is over.

4.      Believe you are worth it. Believe you are worth it. Believe you are worth it. Believe you are worth it. Believe in your worth.

5.      When you get what you fought for, remember those still in the battle. The most famous line from the modern Cinderella movie is “Have Courage, and Be Kind.” Women are here to lift each other up, to be a fairy Godmother to someone else when needed, to listen with a woman’s heart. No one else understands the struggle better than another woman who has walked it. Be that woman for someone else.

Happily ever after is a fairy tale, but when you look close, that’s not what was written about Cinderella. It’s a story about quiet strength. You could even say Resistance. She never stopped believing in herself. She never lost hope. She worked hard. She was kind. She had courage. Whatever you do, ladies, going forward, do it with all your might.

 

Believe in your worth. Find your voice. Use it, both for yourself and for others. And for goodness sake - Have Courage, and Be Kind. That’s where the best magic lives.